I wrote this post a few months ago but have had it sat in drafts so thought isolation would be a perfect time try and get some words out there that build up in my head. I've got an on/off relationship with blogging, mainly due to the constant pressure I put on myself to be perfect. I have spent so many months typing, deleting, typing, deleting - just getting nowhere, worried that nobody will care what I have to say. I felt my words were empty. I fear that the obsession with social media has succumbed us to over-thinking how we post things, what we say and how many 'likes' we get.
The world is so different today (even more so at the minute), we're ruled by influencers and what she wore and who's he's dating and what teeth whitener to buy or someone's kissed that persons boyfriend. It's ludicrous, we're plugged happiness by people that are likely unhappy themselves. The society we're immersed in is forcing positivity on us, at times when we're not ready to be positive and then we deepen our black hole because we're almost ashamed for not feeling how people want us to feel.
I have and still am in that circle, recently I went on a course on how to be a more 'resilient' person, as a manager in my role it's aimed at making me look after me which will then have an impact on my team. However I took a lot away from the day and it has really made me think a lot of the past few days, so much so I've had a sudden urge to write again. Last year, angry at the world through the pressure I was putting on myself I was fed up of writing, photography, videography and vowed to never do any of it again. I sold my DSLR, my gopro and gave myself a real hump about the future. Alas, here I am as regretful as ever but if it taught me anything - it's we all have a passion inside us no matter what.
1. Don't force yourself into being positive
It's okay to be a moody arse - we work ridiculous hours and come home too tired to do anything and fall asleep at 9, we eat terrible whilst crying ourselves to sleep that we're fat and ugly. Weekends we want to be active and find a hobby, but we lie on the couch all day and then get the Sunday-anxiety when work stress kicks back in. So what if we slob out more than we're active sometimes. Who told us that we had to be anything else other than what our mind needs us to be sometimes? Society, social media, people who think they're just too good for life. All the wrong sorts of things.
Now I'm not saying here that living your life like that is healthy, but sometimes we need these periods to feel sorry for ourselves and find away through to the other side without taking direction from others around us or listening to what Instagram says. When your body and mind is ready - you'll get there. But just know there's a million other people feeling the exact same, me included.
2. Hating yourself isn't the end of the world
Hating yourself isn't OK. This is something I struggle with on a daily basis, I live daily through my body dysmorphia, along with 101 (or so it seems at the minute) back issues and cry regularly about it. This is a hard subject for me as it's still so fresh but I just think it's important to highlight that it's not abnormal to feel this way, and immersing yourself in social media and becoming obsessed with what 'good' looks like and crying every time you eat a chocolate biscuit isn't going to solve anything. Trust me, I'm no skinnier or happier for it, and I love chocolate biscuits. Maybe together we can find sollace - and if this is you, message me and let's talk about it. Let's not be alone in our worries.
3. Finding your shine is possible
At least I'm hoping... a colleague gave me a book after a bad week called Shine: Rediscovering Your Energy, Happiness and Purpose. Now I am a sceptic because The Secret didn't change my life, my brain can't switch off during mindfulness and yoga left me thinking about my weekly food shop instead of focusing on my breathing. But I can say there's some real potential in this little read, I'm only half way in but it's comedic approach makes you think about things differently. On average our lifespan is 4000 weeks so quit waiting for something to happen. Social media and spending our lives sucked into technology isn't going to help that. As the book says 'six hours a day, seven days a week equates to 91 days per year, spent on your phone'. Just let that sink in, because it hit me like a 1000 iphones to the face. Surround yourself by people who make you smile, not the ones who you've known years and suck the life from you. Your family should support you in any choice you have and if you've got an other half who's got a tiny amount of patience that mine has for me - then you're going to be just fine. We're prone to over dramatising things because our brains would much rather tell our mind that life is ending because we've put 2 pounds on that week (but the cake, takeaway and extra piece of bread at tea totally suffices for those 2 pounds, so it's our own bloody fault to begin with).
All I'm saying here is we've all got a shine, we've just got to train our minds to think differently sometimes. We've got to have faith in ourselves and one day learn to love ourselves - it will come, we just have to slow down and have patience. If you want to check out the book in question, click here.
I think what's important to stress is I'm not here to preach, I'm just here to say it's OK to feel like this, it's okay at the minute to have more bad than good days. Together through writing, finding our passions and focusing on what we truly want in life is the way to break through that pressure put on us in today's world. Every night for the next week before you go to bed ask yourself 'What made me happy today?' and no matter how terrible that day was you'll find something and it will change the perception you had of the day. Whether it be the smell of the coffee when you woke up, the walk you took that day and something you noticed, or just the fact that you made it through the day without strangling your other half in isolation. Little things need celebrating and that's how we move forward.
So here's to staying moody in a society that forces us to think we're happy at times, let's be miserable together until we're ready.
Until next time.
C x
